The Search for Wonder

As the year draws to a close, I ask God for a “word” for the coming year. In 2024 my word is “WONDER.” It is a quote by Brian Zahnd that defines what I mean by this,

“Beauty, Mystery, Wonder. They all three go together. The primary human response to an encounter with overwhelming beauty is wonder. Wonder is the transcendent sensation we experience when we find ourselves in the presence of an awe-inspiring sunset, an artistic masterpiece, or a newborn baby. Wonder is the unique human reaction to the sublime. . . . .We wonder at two things—the beautiful and the mysterious. A life stripped of beauty and mystery is a life barren of wonder, and a life without wonder is a kind of deep poverty.”

Beauty and mystery—the very core of who our Creator God is—that is what i’m seeking as a seek “wonder.” I’m asking God to open my eyes to his wonder all around me and to choose, by the gift of the Holy Spirit, to experience (not just know about) the depth of his wonder.

As I develop this experience of God’s wonder in my life, then my life will no longer be barren and or impoverished in my soul.

Lord, I seek your WONDER in my life today. Amen.

A Sad Reality

I am writing this on a day of sadness for our nation, “9/11”—the day America was attacked and high-rise buildings collapsed. We mourn the loss of lives, but also the depth of on-going trauma that so many people still feel. But, my sadness today comes from hearing that a dear friend and missionary colleague has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. It hit me so hard to realize that another of our circle of friends are marking their days towards death and eternity. Of course, as children of God, we rejoice when one enters into eternity with his loving God and Savior. But. while on earth, we grieve. It is very interesting to me that my friend’s wife, has found a creative outlet of painting, as she walks with her husband through his “valley of the shadow of death.” The need for beauty and for using creative gifts speaks of life and the reason to enjoy life here while it is ours.

I don’t have any answers or wise sayings at this time. But, I am thrown back into the loving arms of God, who knows us and continues to love us. In Him will I find peace and comfort. His never-ending love reaches out to me in abundant ways. I will trust in Him. Thanks be to God.

Searching for God in "Thin Places"

In the fall of 2022, my husband and I took a trip that included thirteen countries; the leading of two conferences; staying with new artist staff; riding trains throughout Europe; and so much more. It was truly a “trip of a lifetime” that will probably not be attempted again by us.

One of the unique aspects of this extended trip was the planning of three “spiritual renewal” places and times just for us to meet with God. We chose three very different places, but all had a history of being “thin places” where heaven and earth seem to meet and pilgrims have experienced special times with God throughout centuries. The first place was an island off the Scottish coast called Iona. This remote destination was first established by the Celtic monk, Columba, and twelve fellow monks as a monastery, abbey and nunnery in 563 A.D. It is known as the birthplace of Christianity in Scotland. From this place, monasteries were established through Europe. We were enthralled with the testimonies of people throughout the ages who spent time in prayer and meditation there and had life-changing experiences with God. Unfortunately, for us, we were there much too short of a stay to spend the time we wanted in reflection and meditation. We felt more like tourists than people on a pilgrimage.

Halfway through our twelve week journey, we had planned a weekend in Chartres, France. The magnificent cathedral dominated the town, as we disembarked from the train. It was as if the streets were designed much like the famous labyrinth, surrounding the Cathedral Square. I was eager to enter the sanctuary and engage in personal meditation and prayer as I walked the 13th Century labyrinth, the largest built in the Middle Ages. I was stunned to see it completely covered with chairs, having only the center of the labyrinth visible in an aisle! Upon questioning one of the workers in the gift shop, I learned the the labyrinth was covered the night before and would not be uncovered until the Lenten season—seven months later. I was so disappointed. Again, my expectation of meeting with God in a special place were dashed.

Florence, Italy was the final place I had anticipated as a spiritual retreat. Specifically, I desired to spend time in the cells of the monks St. Marco’s Monastery-where, in the 15th Century a humble monk known as Fra Angelico painted beautiful paintings in these small rooms where the monks slept. This artwork was done solely for devotional purposes—not to be seen by the public. It was clearly an example of Visio Divina being done each morning by these men and women dedicated to God. For several years I have dreamed of spending time in these small cells, seeking God, and exercising my own Vision Divina. To my dismay, when I arrived in the monastery, each room was roped off at the door and all that I could do was lean into the room to see the art on the wall. I learned that some “tourist” had tried to deface some of the paintings, so the cells were not accessible any more. I was so disappointed. I begged the docent to allow me some time in at least one of the cells, but the rules would not allow it. Again, my seeking a special place to meet God was thwarted.

So—what did I learn from these experiences of frustration? After much prayer and contemplation, I realized God was teaching me that it is not necessary to have a special place to meet with Him because He was available to me anywhere and everywhere. While these “thin places” have had a significance to many pilgrims in the past, they were not the special key to experiencing a deepening relationship with God. I do believe that such places exist—they just are not required. I love beauty and I feel close to God whenever I’m in the presence of beauty—whether in nature or manmade. Wherever. . . whenever I engage with God becomes a “thin place” for me.

But from there, you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29

The Tale of Two Encounters with God

A Tale of Two Encounters

            Only seven days separated my two significant encounters with God in July 2006.  Both were profound worship experiences.  Both were in Sunday morning church services.  Both changed me—as any encounter with the Almighty God will do.  But that is the limit of their similarities.  In every conceivable way these two experiences were drastically different.

            I was attending the semi-annual leadership meetings of the mission organization with which my husband serves in the Washington D.C. area.  A small group chose to attend the Sunday morning service held at the beautiful National Cathedral, a liturgical Anglican church.  From my initial entrance into this neo-gothic cathedral, my eyes and my soul were transported up into the heavens.  The architecture, stain glass windows, tapestries and art blended in concert to bring my mind and spirit into reverence and awe of the Creator and Redeemer God.  Soon the organ swelled in musical praise and the ornately robed leaders of worship slowly walked up the aisle and onto the slightly raised platform to begin the service.  Scripture passages were read, prayers expressed and congregant responses were given.  Slowly, as my spirit entered into the corporate expression of worship I realized that I was encountering the holy, transcendent God of the universe.  I was seeing God “high and lifted up” as Isaiah experienced and I was both humbled and lifted into the heavens.  Reverence overwhelmed me and I bowed before the Almighty Creator God.  I left the service in a spirit of awe and delighting the glorious mystery of God.

            The following Sunday we returned to our little inner-city church in uptown Charlotte, North Carolina for the morning service.  Because of a broken air conditioner in the old warehouse where we normally meet, the decision was made to change venues for one week. The only place available to us on such short notice was a local bar and funky art gallery.  It was crowded with old tables, chairs and bar stools.  Liquor bottles lined the walls.  There was no beauty or order to be found here.  The stark contrast from the week before amazed me.  People were dressed in very casual summer clothes; the praise band was in jeans and shorts.  Simple praise songs were led by a couple of guitars with the words displayed on a portable screen.  I wondered how I could encounter God in such a chaotic setting and longed for the experience of the prior week.

            As the morning progressed, different people shared the reality of their life and gave praise to God for a week free from their addictions to alcohol or drugs.  Some talked about their struggle after leaving prison or the half-way house.  Testimonies were given about the change God was producing in their lives that had been wrecked by sin and disastrous choices.  The Scripture passage for the morning was displayed on the screen and everyone joined in the reading of it.  As is our custom, the pastor asked the congregation to engage with the Word and respond to it.  The room was filled with verbal responses, questions and explanations.  Some spoke about the conviction in their heart as they read the passage.  Others shared how God was personally applying His Word to their lives that morning and the difference obedience would make.  Again I was overwhelmed in the presence of God—the Immanent, personal God who is actively transforming lives with this love and power.  Again, I was humbled, yet overflowing with joy in His presence. 

            Two Sundays.  Two services.  Drastically different but essentially the same. I encountered the Holy, Transcendent, yet Immanent God of the universe in both.  My prejudices, preferences and “needs” for worship were challenged.  God changed me as I worshiped Him.  Truly—wherever we meet together to worship God in spirit and truth, He is in the midst.  While I still respond best to beauty and order, worship. . . encountering God. . . isn’t determined by the attractiveness of the scene or the order of service, nor the style of music--though all this can be an integral part of the worship experience.    It is my attitude as I approach worship that determines if I experience God in a significant way. True worship should encompass all aspects of my life.  May God be glorified and pleased as I come into His presence.

Becoming Fully Human

It seems strange that after thirty years, I have finally understood something very important about my eldest son whom we lost over twenty-nine years ago. But first, some background. Tim was twenty-two when he visited us in Vienna for the first time. He was an aspiring actor and/or film maker. He had always “marched to his own drum” and I had not always responded very well to his “flakey” artist temperament. He seemed to need so much applause and could not stay focused on his education or preparation for life—except in his creative pursuits. I did not know how to support him in this and, truthfully, I questioned if his dramatic ability was enough to achieve his goals and I was concerned he would never “settle down” into a “respectable life.” Unfortunately, I was a “typical” parent of an artist.

When Tim arrived in Vienna and was unpacking his suitcase, I sat nearby in order to visit with him. I’ll never forget what he said, “Mom, I never know myself as well. . .who I really am. . . until I am playing a role on stage.” I did not know how to respond to such a strange revelation and I tried to make a humorous response, saying, “Tim, some psychologist is going to have a heyday with this!” I could not fathom how his self-knowledge was tied up into a fictional role he played on stage.

After Tim’s death, I experienced a calling from God to “find and encourage artists.” That began a twenty-nine year journey that continues today. I have learned so much about the artistic temperament and the calling from God for creatives to express their creative gift. I have read numerous books and attended an untold number of seminars about the arts. I continue to lead book studies about art and faith and seek to encourage artists—of all genres—wherever I find them. But it was not until a week ago that God revealed an interpretation of what my son was trying to tell me. He was gifted by God to perform, and when he was acting, he experienced the pleasure of the Creator God. Wow!

Ned Bustard writes, “We are to live out our callings—whether that be digging ditches or dancing on Broadway—understanding that we are weak jars of clay who must rely the surpassing power that belongs to God, and as we do so, Paul says we will see that ‘grace extends to more and more people. . . to the glory of God.’ As a kangaroo was made to hop, humans were made to give God glory by reflecting His creative image in our work, simply by being who were made to be.” That is what Tim was saying, even if he didn’t fully understand it. This is the goal of each of us. This is becoming fully human as God intended us to be.

Tim’s life was cut short by a man in a murderous rage. We will never know if he could have pursued his acting career professionally, or if it would always be in the realm of a “hobby” for him. I wish I could tell him that I understand now what he was trying to tell me. Perhaps I could have encouraged him in a much better way. My son had “stumbled” onto an eternal truth: that when we engage in the gifting God has bestowed upon us, we bring Him delight and then we are able to be fully human—just as God intended. Now, I am working on expressing God’s gifts and calling on my life. And, just like my son, when I am deep into using those gifts, I too experience that feeling of knowing whom I really am.

Thank-you, Tim, for teaching me such an important lesson. Sorry that I was so slow in apprehending the truth of your statement. I understand now—and will pursue being fully human, to God’s glory.